A Post for All You Powerful Women: Stand in Your Own Radiance!
I have been super busy with some exciting new projects (including pre-production on The 5 Star Points for Success audio book and loads of new music!) as I continue to transform the Spirit of Oya brand, so I have been away from my blog for a while. But I had to stop everything to write this post, because there is a phenomenon going on among women that really concerns me.
I have been talking about this subject for some time and expressing my opinion about it on the radio and in interviews. So, here it goes:
Stop, I repeat, STOP calling yourself and other women “Bitch”!
It seems like everywhere I go, I hear women referring to themselves as a “bitch” as if it is some kind of term of endearment. I was just in Las Vegas for the crowded Mayweather-Pacquiao fight weekend, and it seemed as though there was some kind of selfie video war going on. Women were taking videos of themselves saying, “Hey bitch,” or “What up, bitches?” or “I’m the baddest bitch up in this bitch!”
What?! It left me confused and dismayed.
Let’s take a time-out and clarify some definitions and terminology, so you can better understand where I am coming from and why the attitude of these women concerns me. Here’s the technical nitty gritty behind the word “bitch,” according to Merriam-Webster.
the female of the dog or some other carnivorous mammals
a : a lewd or immoral woman
b : a malicious, spiteful, or overbearing woman —sometimes used as a generalized term of abuse
something that is extremely difficult, objectionable, or unpleasant
A few other meanings of bitch many of us know: the term a pimp uses when referring to his prostitutes; someone with strong sexual desire comparable to a dog in heat that will jump on anything she can.
Now, especially if you frequently refer to yourself or others as “bitches,” think about those definitions of the term and ask yourself …
“Am I still a bitch?”
“Do I really want to be the ‘baddest bitch’?”
If someone said, “Let me see the real bitches out there! Stand up” … would you really stand up?
I am not trying to take any fun out of your day, nor am I a super conservative person (not by a long shot!) … but unless you are, by definition, a bitch, I implore you to stop using that negative word when talking about yourself or other women. Why are you demeaning yourself, your female friends and sisters around the world? Then next time someone asks, “Where are my bad bitches” I hope you will join me in keeping your beautiful soul in your seat!
As a woman, why are you allowing people to treat you as anything less than a queen? Being a “bitch” is not cool, so let’s all honor and love ourselves. When someone, whether a man or a woman, walks into a room or stands up on a stage and says, “Where are my real queens?” I hope you will stand up proudly and scream!
Society brainwashes us to hear words like “bitch” and think nothing of it. This negative language is in our music, our films and in the air all around us, swirling around in casual conversation. I am not insinuating that there are not people who embody some of the negative definitions of the word “bitch” through their actions (even though I do not like using that word at all the definition of the word is the definition of the word that describes something specific). But, if you do not embody what that word represents, why are you throwing that term around and thinking it is cool? It is not fun or fashionable, and unless you are turning tricks for a living or suddenly turn into a different species, you shouldn’t stand for anyone using “bitch” to describe you.
I realize my words on this subject may sound harsh, but I feel that staying silent about it is more destructive. The use of the word “bitch” is a worldwide epidemic, infesting the minds of boys, girls, men and women and taking away from all of us letting our lights shine bright.
You are probably wondering what got me so riled up about this topic, so I’ll tell you: 1. Constantly hearing women use this word outside of the definition demeaning each other and lowering their vibration 2. Someone posted a comment on a picture I posted on my Spirit of Oya Facebook page from a celebratory event the boxer Floyd Mayweather threw after his big win, during what was a very fun and fabulous weekend. This gentleman commenter said, “F$%k with him, bitch.”
When I read it, I thought, Wow. Now, I do not think he meant any harm or thinks I am a “bitch” by definition (especially with all the positive and uplifting messages I post on social media). So, the fact that he played so fast and loose with his language in the comment really shocked me … but it also made me realize that he felt at liberty to say this to me, a virtual stranger, because so many people think this type of language is acceptable and cool.
The comment made on my photo is indicative of a larger problem: There is a general lack of respect for humankind among many people. And this particular comment implied a few things: first of all, it implied that a woman (in this case me!) would be dishonest or in general “screw” with a man just because he has money.
Note that I said woman, because I am a woman! I am a queen (and so are you)! And I am certainly happy for him and his big payday. But, I also know that while it is fantastic to have it, money does not buy happiness so this public comment and numerous private messages that were saying all kinds of things about what they would do for and to Mayweather if they had the opportunity encouraged me to do this blog. There were many comments left about what they would do to get a little bit of that money that he just made and how happy they would be. This is not cool and it really concerns me.
I know many people with money that are not happy, because I have personally coached them. What did they discover? That their happiness had nothing to do with money. Money can certainly help you have a blast and do great things, but if your soul is not right, and your spirit is not happy, you will not feel fulfilled or be able to manifest your dreams and live your life’s purpose. Selling your soul for money is not going to make you happy! So needless to say getting with a man solely because he has a lot of money is not worth it.
In addition, while I am talking about this picture let me address this. After I posted the picture in question, a lot of people sent me private messages asking me why I would take a picture with such an “egomaniac,” and a number of other negative words and phrases.
Because I respect his work ethic, I took a picture with him at his party. I was and am happy for this man who was once again victorious in the ring and accomplished something no one else ever has in the history of the sport of boxing regardless of what you think of his fighting style or his opponents. The truth is, he set out to accomplish a goal, and he attained that goal.
The fact of the matter is, a fighter with a record of 48-0 is a hardworking athlete and man. If you experienced any part of his workout, you would likely fall out and be rushed to the hospital. As someone who follows her own dreams and encourages others to do the same, I personally appreciate his determination, his belief in himself and the fact that he has taken the action steps to achieve his goals.
Now, in closing let’s think about this word “bitch” again. How can you expect men, women or anyone else to respect you if you call yourself a “bitch” or answer to that word? If someone said, “What’s up, bitch?” to me, I would look around for someone else or not acknowledge the person; this is not my name, nor is it who I represent.
Try this: Look at yourself in the mirror and say, “I am a woman. I am a lady.”
Now, let’s look at some definitions of the word “lady.”
a woman who is refined, polite and well-spoken
a woman of high social position or economic class
a man’s wife
How about for the word “queen”?
a woman eminent in rank, power or attractions
a goddess or a thing personified as female and having supremacy in a specified realm
an attractive girl or woman
the fertile fully developed female of social bees, ants and termites whose function is to lay eggs
Now that I’ve been able to vent a bit to you … where are my beautiful rays of light? Where are my queens? What definition fits you? On a similar note, where are my KINGS? Please share this with young girls and boys that think using this word is super cool. Let me hear your thoughts! What do you think about how everyone casually and fashionably using this word bitch? What can we do to support our young men and women to think of themselves as Queens and Kings? Come forward and comment!
Peace and Blessings,